Allow the new image to work in you

Hellinger:  I’d like to draw your attention to something.  When a new issue arises or a new image develops, you can’t act immediately.  That’s an important point.  You shouldn’t make any quick decisions.  The new image does the work itself, and after a while, it will be very clear what has to be done.  If you move too fast, you get ahead of your soul, and the new picture recedes.  So it’s important not to make any rash decisions or take hasty actions.  Just continue exactly as before, without making any changes, until things become crystal clear. Sometimes things will change without even noticing it; that is without any push from the ego. (P.136)

                  -Supporting Love: Bert Hellinger’s Work with Couples (Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, Inc. co. 2001)


Hellinger: Many people start making objections after a constellation, out of fear.  They go into their minds and start putting their new experience in old theories and former experiences, and then the work is destroyed.  If you do that, you go out of the experience and into your thinking.   We then follow personal preferences and beliefs; we are lead by something smaller than the full experience.

Unfortunately, many therapists help their clients make such objections.  Sometimes… therapists experienced in other therapy forms try to follow up what happened in the constellation.  They may give advice or interpret in a way that softens what happened so that it has no longer its original power.  That kind of helpful interpretation and advice is actually a form of objection….

The other thing is, it is no use to try to remember what happened in the constellation.  The soul knows it.  Most people forget completely what happened, and that’s a sign of the quality of the work.  Really helpful work is beyond thinking.  (P.178-179)

                       -Touching Love, Volume 2: A Teaching Seminar with Bert Hellinger and Hunter Beaumont

Copyright: 1999 by Carl-Auer-Systeme Verlag


There’s another point to consider.  Much of what we work with here is the result of entanglements that a family system imposed on a child, and that a child accepted out of love.  They often are things we didn’t choose and couldn’t defend ourselves against.  Working at that level exposes both our child’s loyalty and our innocent defencelessness.  People feel safer opening up to that level when they don’t have to worry about comments, criticism, feedback, or suggestions from other group members.  No matter how well meaning, comments can easily hurt and shame that tender place where we all still love innocently, like little children.  Group process and group dynamics are effective methods for other tasks, but they just don’t offer the level of safety we need in order to work as we do here.  (P.194)

                                    - Love’s Own Truths, Bonding & Balancing in Close Relationships, Bert Hellinger

Copyright: 2001 by Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, Inc.


All My Relations Constellations: Francesca Mason Boring, Facilitator, Trainer, Author